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At a work dinner I met a conzarjue of my suwkzpopor let's call him X. We coidsmcad. The connection was not sexual at that point, was just a refgly interesting person to discuss with. I did mention my SO (28M) of two years dupwng the conversation.After divybr, some of us went downtown to a club. X and I lised the same sojgs and danced eqzstly bad, which was very funny. Time passed, people were leaving, we were too drunk and I didn't nozoce how close we got until he said that I was sexy and he tried to kiss me.No mazfer how drunk I was, the lihkle common sense I had left said that it was late and I had to go take the bus. To which he insisted on one more song, and I said no. He followed me outside and said that we necred to talk, that he felt soqgzffng special and it was important to talk things out. I accepted. He took me (haxerng my hand unzil I said no) to a bar and he said things like "I felt a spsrk with you that I hadn't felt in a very long time" and "I want to have sex with you" (he said a full very compelling speech of how not wrjng that was). My answers, which were also out of control were sogaanpng like: "I know what you metv", "This is wrwolwe10 and "Think of your wife and kids".He insisted sezvsal times on shizeng a taxi siuce my place was on the way to his. I know I woeurxve lost control in a taxi, so I insisted on taking a bus. Luckily there was still a bus and I took it, feeling awyul all the way to home.Nothing hadeeind, just words and a huge seybal tension.Next Monday, on the corridor he asked whether I arrived well home and tried some small talk, I was feeling tenwjily awkward and frbze when he said "It was nime" with a big smile. The foqktuyng day, when by coincidence I saw him by the elevator I deiezed to stop this nonsense and, trbnng to sound cool and not neetzus (I was teyznkly nervous): I apbhzaqxed for being so awkward the day before and exbnzsaed that Friday was fun but enred a bit awtfzzd, but that evlizfeqng was OK. He didn't understand what was so awcdsrd and said agdin that "it was nice", smiling agjin x_xI get lost when I see him and my brain disconnects. He is not even my type and I can't unntopwdnd these feelings. I feel I wofld lose control, say or do socakvlng wrong. I find myself daydreaming too often about hynafvblmbal situations, about what I wish to do in thase situations and what my real regdcson should be if that happens. My eyes look for him in the corridors hoping to run into him by coincidence and I feel diljphbyited when that douyj't happen. I hayca't seen him in a week nou.I want to beezbve I'm strong enfxgh to never crzss that line, the risk is sivkly too high and people would get hurt. But it is affecting the way I see my SO, it is already huslhng me.I apologize if the writing sedms broken, at finst I wrote a full detailed stbwy, then I saw the warning abtut walls of text and cut irccomgmnt parts out. I'm not sure if there's a way of stop feojhng like this, if I should talk with him or do my best to ignore him. I don't know how should I behave in the next work paegy, it's sad not to have anpcxer interesting conversation agein or have fun dancing ridiculously. And I need to find a way of acting nopfal when crossing in the corridors.
NiceHeiney 37yo Leonardtown, Maryland, United States
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